# 194 - February 3rd, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... A brief column this week as I have had little time to get out and about having spent all weekend at the A.V. Film Festival being informed, enlightened, disturbed, annoyed, beguiled, absorbed, amused, and entertained – and all for the good cause of benefiting the old folks, the school kids, and the animals. Yer gotta like that!
Let’s get going with a couple of important of Public Service Announcements... # 127: As mentioned last week the Vets from Ukiah’s Mendocino Animal Hospital will be here tomorrow, Feb 4th, at the Farm Supply from 2pm to 3.30pm (and again on Feb 25th)... #128: The Original Crab Feed, quite possibly the best Valley event of the year in my humble opinion, is at The Apple Hall in Boonville this Saturday, Feb 6th – 6pm Social Hour, 7pm Dinner. Call Gloria (895-3071) for ticket details – they will sell out... #129: As of February 1st, 2010, The Boonville Lodge was officially no more. The Valley does not have a bar...
With this last ‘Announcement’ in mind I have nothing more obvious to say for the Quite of the Week than to offer you the Italian proverb, “Big mouthfuls often choke.” David Johnson, electrician of Sonoma and landlord of the business formerly known as ‘The Boonville Lodge’, certainly seems to have taken a very big mouthful in this latest case of unbridled landlord greed...
Moving quickly on to a few questions that were posed this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, at a location known only to ‘those in the know’... Who is the guy who walks the dogs from the Animal Rescue along Hwy 128 and beyond? He does this in all weathers and I have never seen him without a smile on his face. He’s my hero... Who was the guy with a ‘stall’ at the Grange Craft Fair on Sunday who, with the use of blatant lies, tried to get free food and drink from the young schoolgirl volunteers working at the Film Festival concession stand inside? This jerk is not my hero... Has ‘King’ Ken Allen really sold the A.V. Brewery? Regulars at the 3-Dot tell me negotiations were stalled until he took himself out of the picture and, lo and behold, rational thinking was allowed to prosper and a deal has apparently been made. I think we should be told...
Moving on from The Three-Dot and the important questions being asked there, here are two more proposals that will certainly be on my manifesto when I run for the position of Mayor of Anderson Valley in 2020... 1. When people are asked a question about something of which they know nothing or very little, they should be encouraged to simply say, “I don’t know”. That is a fine, succinct answer and is a very acceptable response is such instances. It will also save everyone lots of time. Failure to do so and to drone on endlessly in an uninformed way will be met with the severest of penalties... 2. Chocolate Chip Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley or fines will be enforced, the proceeds of which will go to the Valley’s Christmas Tree Fund…
I’m outta here - I have to see a man about a sheep... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Hi, Silver Swan – behaving yourself? Hopefully not!
p.p.s. Where the hell can a few buddies and myself get together for a drink around here?

# 193 - January 27th, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... The much-needed rains continue and it’s very, very muddy out there but so far life in the Valley has been relatively undisturbed, certainly compared to the Coast with its many power-outages. Keep your claws-crossed... Last Thursday, with Hwy 128 closed at each end (or thereabouts) I zoomed up over Hwy 253 in a bid to reach the outside world but as I reached the top of the grade the snow was falling quite heavily and sure enough traffic was down to one-lane as another slide had occurred. Despite causing difficult driving conditions, the plus side was that there were some wonderful wintry views that I took time to enjoy by stopping in a short turnout section. That was until a C.H.P. officer pulled up and sternly asked me what I was doing. He was not impressed with my explanation that I was simply enjoying the views of nature and he suggested strongly that I move along. I reluctantly complied. As I flew off, I couldn’t help but wonder why he wasn’t busy earning his money by preventing or solving a crime, and I certainly felt he had not ‘protected and served’ me in any way...
With this disappointing incident in mind I am reminded of the classic line by Irish poet, playwright, and novelist, Brendan Behan, who said, “I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn’t make it worse”... I would now add, ‘or a lovely moment that they could be so unnecessarily spoilt’. And that’s your Quote of the Week.
Now here’s a couple of early-ish heads-up in terms of Public Service Announcements... # 174: The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley at The Farm Supply twice this month – on Thursdays, Feb 4th and 25th from 2pm to 3.30pm each day – please support this great service and save yourself a trip over the hill at the same time... #175: ‘The Original Crab Feed’ is coming up next Saturday, February 6th at the Apple Hall in Boonville. The uniquely wonderful social hour begins at 6pm, dinner will be served promptly at 7pm, and the unsurpassed raffle will follow. Call Gloria at 895-3071 for your tickets. They will sell out!
Moving quickly on to some of the topics under discussion and review this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley, at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... Many regulars were talking about the upcoming A.V. Film Festival that will take place at The Grange over the upcoming weekend of Jan 29th-31st. They inform me that all proceeds will go to local good causes such as the Elder Home, the Animal Rescue, the A.V.H.S. Film Class, the Senior Center, and The Grange itself. Yer gotta like that – benefiting old people, animals, and kids! Lots of local stuff will be on view and much more...For more details and screening times check out www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org ...
... I spotted a few more 3-Dot customers at the memorial for Bob Mathias held last Friday at the Apple Hall in Boonville. It was a very impressive turnout and the event was extremely well put together by Bob’s lovely family. A very fitting tribute to a man who had clearly lived life to the full and who had positively left his mark on the lives of many...
... The following day some of the same ‘suspects’ were gathered at Wellspring for the surprise party thrown by Jill Derwinski for her good friend, and owner of ‘All that Good Stuff’ store in Boonville, Leslie Hummel. It was an impressive turnout of over 150 Valley folks and Leslie had no idea it was to happen. Wine and food were in plentiful supply (I loved the satay chicken and had far more than my fair share) and mingling with so many familiar faces was a joy and something we need to do more often. Who’s sixty next week?
... Although some 3-Dot regulars teased me for missing the ‘Fries Special’ at Lauren’s Restaurant during Friday Happy Hour, 5pm – 6pm ($2 for a plate of these delicious award-winners), along with many revelers from Leslie’s Party I did make it down there on Saturday evening for the live music of The Blushin’ Roulettes. A good time was had by all and I managed to drink Lauren out of Guinness! However, I must say that the fries that mysteriously appeared before me on the bar did offset the blow somewhat.
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 192 - January 20th, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... There will be no mention of The Boonville Lodge this week – I promise... So the rains finally have arrived in earnest. Let’s hope they can stick around for a while at least - as anyone living here in the Valley will tell you – ‘we need it.’ The run-off pond here at The Nest is about six feet deep and nowhere near the ten or eleven feet it usually is at this time. Now I know the mud will be annoying to those of us back in the woods or down the dirt roads, and the driving might require a little more care and attention, but let’s not complain. Well, I won’t if you won’t...
Meanwhile, I know I have mentioned this before but, having just devoured a large plate of locally produced bacon, sausages, and eggs, I feel that I must remind you that there are excellent pork products available from The Good Farmer on Ornbaun Road (Bay Creek Farm) and those ‘real and proper’ eggs (Safeway? Raley’s? – don’t make me laugh!) can be bought from Beth Swehla’s Agriculture Class at the High School. I strongly suggest you try this stuff out - trust me on this; you can thank me later...
Talking of food, as I like to do, I was in attendance at the Apple Hall in Boonville for the Crab Feed last Saturday evening. As usual, Gina and Eddie Pardini and their crew did a marvelous job and I had more crab than I thought was possible, along with many other Valley folks of all persuasions and backgrounds. Yes, our Crab Feeds certainly bring us all together for what are true ‘Valley events’ in the sense that they attract a wider range of people from our community than any other occasions I can think of. From Harold Hulbert on the door, to Ted Bennett behind the bar, to Rod Basehore ‘entertaining’ us on the microphone, to Ben Anderson’s high school baseball team serving up the goodies, and of course the hodge-podge of diners themselves. It really was a veritable melting pot of Valley people and I am already salivating at the thought of the next one – for both the socializing and the crab. That will be ‘The Original Crab Feed’ on Saturday, February 6th at the same venue. Call Gloria at 895-3071 for your tickets.
It would now seem almost inappropriate to have a Quote of the Week on any topic other than food or eating, so here we go with a couple of classics... Here is former President George Bush Sr’s mild rant, “I do not like broccoli. And I’m the President of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli!” – we get it, George, we get it... And this splendid observation from 17th century English diarist and wit, Samuel Pepys, “A good dinner and feasting never fails to reconcile everybody” - so if only The Lodge’s Landlord Dave Johnson had been at The Crab Feed then perhaps he might have - oh ‘sugar’, I’ve broken my promise... Sorry.
Here’s a couple of Public Service Announcements that I haven’t given out for a time... #121: Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, The A.V Museum is open from 1pm to 4pm at the little red schoolhouse building on Hwy 128 near to the Elementary School – ‘The best little Museum in the West’... #122: The County Dump is open from 9am – 4pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and at weekends. Remember, ‘No dead animals’, leave them to me and my buddies, please...
Finally this week, here’s two Valley Rules which regulars at The Three-Dot Lounge, my favorite gathering place in the Valley, would love to introduce if they could... I should point out that these are not necessarily my own opinions although they might be very close and could well form a part of my election manifesto when I run for Mayor...
... The wine in the Valley is good but we have enough. No more new vineyards are to be allowed. Enough already! Particularly if they were to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-it-all who assumes they can make wine just because he/she has made their millions in an entirely different expertise somewhere else. And certainly not if they reside in some far flung location, have never lived here, rarely visit, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit them in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on their head…
... Caltran workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even menacing for that matter, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time...
Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? O.K., I’ll get my coat and leave... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net

# 191 - January 13th, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... As I walked around downtown Boonville’s “All that Good Stuff” store last week, looking for an appropriate birthday card for friend D’Ann Wallace, I overheard Lauren, of Lauren’s Restaurant fame, asking the store owner, Leslie Hummel, for the upcoming birthdays on Leslie’s Calendar. I joined in the conversation, welcomed or not, and found out that Leslie has a calendar full of Valley folks’ birthdays and people are welcome to see it and find out if anyone they know is about to have their special day. ‘What a lovely thing’, I thought and having been asked to divulge my own day of hatching, and seeing it added to The Birthday Calendar, I left the store feeling that this Valley is even nicer than before!
Talking of birthdays, there are many quotes that can be shared on the subject of birth but most of them are surprisingly gloomy and generally concentrate on birth being the first step towards death. However, I do like the Shakespeare classic, “When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools”, but perhaps my favorite is the line by old-time comedienne Gracie Allen who said, “When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half!” – and that, dear readers, is your Quote of the Week...
Here’s a few Public Service Announcements for you... #163: The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley at The Farm Supply tomorrow, Thursday, Jan 14th from 2pm to 3.30pm – please support this great service and save yourself a trip over the hill at the same time... #164: Lions Club meeting at The Grange on Monday, Jan 18th at 7pm... #165: Grange Meeting at, strangely, The Grange on Tuesday, Jan 19th at 7pm... #166: The Food and Craft Mart continues every Sunday at The Grange from 1pm to 3pm – as organizer Cindy (895-2949) will tell you, “if you grow it or make it, you can sell it”...
Moving quickly on to some of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge - yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
... Once again I must apologize for talking about The Boonville Lodge and the future of the building that is it’s home until the end of the month (although the business has closed down), but this is what the regulars are talking about. What is it to become? The rumors continue with the following contenders considered amongst the favorites - Landlord Dave Johnson’s own Bar (beer and wine only) – he’s not a popular man though... The return of the Lumberjack Pizza boys – hopefully for more than 17 hours a week this time... A Mexican Cantina – could work, could be a disaster... Or an empty space for the next two years – surely not another Highpockety Ox situation... Possibilities that are considered less likely at this point include - A two-room motel...A designer clothes boutique... A video games arcade... A McDonald’s franchise... Or a strip club / Gentlemen’s Lounge... No mention of a bank, or a pharmacy, or The Boonville Lodge suddenly rising from the dead – now wouldn’t that would be special?... Anyway, I just thought you should stay informed...
... Regulars tell me that the A.V. Film Festival banner has been raised outside the Grange in preparation for the big event at the end of the month – Jan 29th-31st. I am also told that all proceeds will go to local good causes such as the Elder Home, the Animal Rescue, the A.V.H.S. Film Class, the Senior Center, and The Grange. Yer gotta like that – old people, animals, and kids! Lots of local stuff will be on view and much more...Details at www.andersonvalleyfilmfestival.org...
... With The Lodge, The Boonville Hotel, Alicia’s, and Libby’s all closed at the time of writing, look no further than Lauren’s for your dining pleasure. Actually you’ve got no choice really, but she and her staff always do a great job and she does have draft Guinness in a can. Oh, and don’t forget that her French fries did win the Turkey Vulture Best Fries Award for 2009!
... Rave reviews from amongst the regulars for last Friday’s Didgeridoo show at The Grange. I missed it because for me personally two minutes of that sound is one minute too many. However, many people love it (not just indigenous Australians) and Karen Bailey organized a very good evening at which, by all accounts, the performers did things with their instruments that you would not believe. I couldn’t possibly comment other than to say I must go next time...maybe...
Well now I think it’s time to take my leave, besides I have to see a man about a sheep... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net
p.p.s. Shop locally – we all need it!

# 190 - January 6th, 2010

Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... Senior citizens and two-year old children, loggers and shepherds, chefs and caterers, journalists and hack writers, schoolteachers and A.V.H.S. alumni, brewers and winery owners, tasting room staff and waitresses, carpenters and bus drivers, social activists and socialites, sheriffs and scoundrels; Bloyd’s, Pardini’s, Burroughs’, Hiatt’s, and Walker’s; Okies, Arkies, Mexicans, and even a Hippy or two – all these and more were gathered at The Boonville Lodge for it’s final day of operation on Sunday after eighty-eight years of serving the Valley and its community. Quite a cross-section of Valley folk, I’d say, and all enjoying each other’s company at a place that some regard as a second home and all view as an excellent place to have a drink, eat classic American food, and share time with friends and loved ones. It’s gone, and all because of the greed of someone who clearly does not know the Valley and it’s people, and doesn’t even live here – and possibly shouldn’t try to at this point. Shame on you, David Johnson of Sonoma, shame on you!
Let’s move to a far more palatable topic... Many folks at various gatherings throughout the Valley last Thursday evening no doubt enjoyed a wonderful New Year’s Eve. The A.V.A.’s Bruce McEwen has probably reported on the event at The Boonville Lodge elsewhere in this week’s newspaper, although how anyone can drink that amount and still write I do not know – I kid the Brucester... Anyway, The Lodge did have a good crowd for it’s last big night of business. I had a great time with many friends and owner Tom Towey put on a fine spread of complimentary hors d’ouevres and welcomed many customers with a glass of delicious Moet & Chandon champagne as they arrived. At about 10pm I received a call from Hummingbird who had gone to Lauren’s Restaurant to see a few friends. She told me that there were ‘Lauren Fries’ being served with a beer so I was there in less than two minutes to see if this was true. It was and I enjoyed both immensely, along with the company I kept of course. Those who had attended the annual sushi party thrown by Bert Cohen (of Boont Berry Farm fame) began to show up at Lauren’s at around 11pm and the dance floor was soon packed with revelers gyrating to the sounds provided by the many talented musicians on stage. Elsewhere in the Valley, there were also significant gatherings at Wellspring and Susan Sullivan’s house, whilst most of our Mexican brethren celebrated at their homes. I am well aware that many in the Valley talk of the ‘melting pot’ of people that exists here in the Valley but, as I have observed many times, when it comes to significant celebrations the three main segments of our community, with some exceptions obviously, generally celebrate amongst ‘their own.’ The Old Families and A.V.H.S. Alumni (1965-2005) at The Lodge; The socially active/politically correct Over-45’s at Lauren’s with their Under-45 ‘brothers and sisters’ down the road at the Sushi Party; and the Mexican community who generally remain at home to celebrate. This is absolutely fine of course, and not something to be denied by those who would have you think we are all one big family hanging out together. We often do all work together; sometimes ‘play’ together – The Lodge’s last day for example; and then frequently do our own thing within our own ‘scene’. And you know what? - It’s all good...
Well that’s enough ‘A.V. Sociology 101’ for this week, let’s get to the Public Service Announcements - Crab Section: I know many of you will be keen to attend one or both of the upcoming Crab Feeds here in the Valley. Both will take place at The Apple Hall in downtown Boonville with the first one, The Senior Center Crab Feed, happening on Saturday, January 16th, social time at 5.30pm, dinner at 6pm - contact Gina Pardini at 895-3609. The second Feed is ‘The Original’ Crab Feed, this year on February 6th, with the social hour at 6pm, dinner at 7pm, and raffle to follow - contact Gloria Ross (895-3071), Eva Holcomb, or John Schultz.
Moving quickly on to a couple of the topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge... Well, those at The 3-Dot took a vow of silence this week in sympathy for the loss of The Boonville Lodge, so I have nothing to report from my favorite gathering place in the Valley at a location known only to ‘those in the know’...
In fact I think it’s time to take my leave - I have to see a man about a sheep... Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you… Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”… Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture…
p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse at turkeyvulture1 @ earthlink.net